Saturday, March 11, 2017

My Moods

I often think about my mood, my mental state. How am I doing inside? Not only do I evaluate my mood, I consider whether my evaluation of my mood is doing me any good. Yeah, I'm in a crummy mood. Yeah I'm aware of it. Being aware of the fact that I'm in a crummy mood does not seem all that helpful.

Sometimes I feel just kind of blah. One day I considered this: There are so many different shades of just kind of blah. There are different blends, mood blends. Sometimes my blah mood blend will have mild irritation components to it. Sometimes my blah mood will have heavy measures of dread. Sometimes blah is fatigue, layered with frustrations of specific annoyances.

My mental brew at any given moment...I recently thought about it and made a comparison: Every day, every minute, the pine needles get blown across the If you look at them at any moment, they will be arranged a certain way, and that's that. They'll be a little different the next time you look at them. The breeze will have shifted them. The difference in positioning will seem significant or not.

It's the same with the clouds in the sky. They will be up there shaped a certain way, arranged a certain way. It's up to chance how they'll end up arranged. The pine needles: it's a roll of the dice how they'll be pointed.

My mood brew: it's a roll of the dice how it will end up. Why read into it? Why try to figure out the reasons I feel this way or that way?

I feel emotions because emotions exist.

There's a great Eckhart Tolle quote: You're never upset for the reason that you think you are.

There might seem to be a good reason why I feel a certain way. I'm irritated because a guy at work diminished me by ignoring the things I was saying, talking over me. Well, has this type of thing irritated me every single time it's ever happened to me? No. So why this time? Sometimes certain things bother me, sometimes they don't. (If only I could have that undisturbed mindset all the time! Why can't I?!)

I experience emotions because emotions exist. I am susceptible to them. The occurrence of emotions blowing across my brainscape is about the same as pine needles blowing across the yard or clouds blowing across the sky. It happens because it happens. There's not a whole lot of meaning or importance to it. The emotions will blow clear out of my brainscape if I don't grab onto them and sniff them so hard. Don't be sniffin.

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