Saturday, December 31, 2016

List 12/31/2016

  • I'm storing it all in my shoulders, the stress -- the bogus, conjured up stress. I slow down what I'm doing, and I notice that my shoulders are all hunched up and bunched up. I then allow my arms to relax and hang at my sides. I allow my shoulders to come down a little. I begin to feel the muscles across my shoulders relax and cool down.
  • I conduct my mental inventory. It's my mental activities log. What thoughts are passing through? What thoughts am I following to all the dark places? What feelings am I feeling? Where is my quiet spot? Where is my calm little camp site where I usually like to go and stay. I would stay there every day all day, but I get driven out by rabid raccoon attacks...
  • I'm trying to decide whether to learn Python or Visual Basic. I've already used Visual Basic to do actual work things. Python, I've only experimented really. It is so promising for data handling, though, and for web scraping and all kinds of fun stuff. Visual Basic is already in our work stack though and I took a class in it and nailed it and I've used it here and there over the years...
  • I come away from every scene with exactly one (1) friend. The drum circle scene? One friend. The organization where I worked for eight years in Florida? One friend. Personality Type Forum? One friend. The apartment complex where I lived in Altamonte Springs? One friend. Heck. If I try out enough scenes, I'll have all kinds of friends. But. You gotta stay engaged long enough to make that friend connection. I'm a total gypsy. Always moving.
  • Here's a list within a list -- the cities I've lived in -- looking at it now, it almost looks like a concert T-Shirt where they list all the cities where a band has played:

  • I'm just trying to write the real stuff. Maybe I should start a niche blog. I don't know what I would niche out though. Politics? There's too much of that, but it is my addiction. News? Geography? Land conservation? Meatball Data Science? Walking? Handwritten Notes? Lists? Self-help? Dharma? Nah, I'm just writing the real stuff. Maybe a little too real. Real McReal.
  • Come back to the basics! It's easy. It's never too late. It's never too late to come back to the Big Empty. That good kind of empty I mean.
  • At work, with the various people who I encounter: the people I sit near, the people I walk by, the people in the lunchroom -- with these people: there is some 'hello' and some ' hell no' ...I'm overthinking the hell out of it.
  • Happy New Years, Deers

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

List 12/28/2016

  • Trump is going to get a lot of Americans killed. Why is he jabbing the beehive with a stick. He continues to fuck with Muslims. Sticking his nose into the UNSOLVABLE problem in Israel...that's just one more reason that radicals are drawing up their plans to attack Disney World or New York City again or maybe small town USA. We're overdo. It's our turn to get hit. Trump is painting a big bull's eye on us with his anti-Muslim shit.
  • I used to wonder if terrorists would attack small town USA. Think about it. Pick a small town that only has a few ways in and out. Send people to a few of the gas stations and blow those bitches up. Big fires. All over town. While the fire departments and police are sorting all that out, squads of terrorist gunmen fan out and just wreak havoc. The only thing, though, is that in those small towns, probably just about everybody has guns.
  • I had a horrible thought: I was thinking about fake news, and it was Christmas day, and I started to think: is the Bible the biggest example of fake news ever perpetrated? I have faith. My faith comes from outside logic or reason or any kind of thinking. My faith is a gut thing and I can't put it into words. I get a feeling when I walk by a Church. I feel The Spirit ...or something. I feel the warmth of that. I feel the fear when I blaspheme. I feel fear typing this stuff, believe me. But I believe science. Maybe the Bible is a bunch of stories and exaggerations that were told at times throughout history when awesome things were happening. I'm pretty sure that Jesus Christ existed and inspired many. I think he inspired people to the point where they got a little crazy.
  • I still keep the light of awareness on my inner bullshit and manage to stay somewhat spite of my various crazy thoughts. Crazy thoughts will happen. You (I) can't stop em from coming along. It's your (my) choice whether to follow down the whack trail or just let them go.

Monday, December 26, 2016

List 12/26/2016

  • I thought that Hillary would win by a landslide
  • I am out of touch with much of the world because I'm such a loner
  • I've moved around a lot - hard to forge friendships
  • I don't understand how so many smart people could have voted for people at my job for people, finance people. Are they just so party loyal that they vote Republican no matter what? Did they buy into the fake news stuff that portrayed Hillary as the leader of a pre-school prostitution ring or whatever -- how many people actually believe that???
  • I read where some people on the right don't really believe the stuff, but they say it just to will it -- it's like how someone would chant a mantra or -- or like how they would shout a cheer to stoke up their spirits before a football game: rick 'em! rack 'em! roke 'em! ruck 'em! come on team, lets really... Their version of it is: Lock her up! . . . or: Hillary sexually exploits children! Rah rah rah! 
  • I was reading about how pundits on the right are calling all mainstream news fake. 
  • I guess you decide to believe what you want to believe. But you can use logic and try to build as strong a case as you can in your quest to get closer to truth.

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Lunchroom Showdown

I'm a little jittery, rattled and nervous because I just squared off and gave a contrary opinion to a lunchroom pundit. Politics stuff. He's one of the geezers who blares Fox News every day, only this guy gives loud rolling supplemental commentary for all to hear in the lunchroom. He walked up to me because I guess I looked like I had a fuckin problem with it. The thing is, I had no problem, I had a solution. Or, I had an answer, put it that way. So I said some shit. And I wasn't smilin, dig? This guy though: he likes to make it seem like he's just a good ole boy, never meanin no harm....smiling as he spews the hate so that it don't seem so nefarious... but lemme tell ya what...

Sunday, December 18, 2016


I went to UU today. Today's message really exemplified what UU is all about. Today, they talked about the birth of Jesus, the birth of Confucius and the birth of Buddha - all in the same segment. I don't know where else you could go on a Sunday morning and hear about all three of those dudes in the same service. You'd have to go to a Buddhist Temple; hear the things in there; and then jump in your car and haul ass to Christian Church -- in order to fit those stories in -- all on the same Sunday morning. I'm not even sure where you'd go to hear about Confucius' birth. Today, one of the hymns even mentioned Islam, and devotion, and their daily calls to prayer.

I used to go to the UU back when I lived in Florida, but I started slackin on that pretty quick. Now that I'm fairly set up and relatively stabilized here in NC, I hope I can stick to the program. Even if I don't go on Sunday mornings, they have other stuff throughout the week. Later in the day on Sundays they have a meditation Sangha mindfulness thing. I want to check that out.

Thursday, December 15, 2016

Where should I write it?

Gees, is blogging dead or what? I actually googled that: Is blogging dead? I couldn’t even find a recent article on that question. In other words, blogging is so dead, people aren’t even asking whether it’s dead anymore. I am so behind anymore. In everything.

I was an early adapter with Twitter, and I'm still on there. I entered Blogger pretty early. But that was like six blogs ago. I never got on Facebook. People I talk to aren’t really that enthused about Facebook anymore anyway. I was on tumblr a while. I was late to that party, but it was fun. Same with Wordpress. YouTube – I’m all over it, but I don’t really read comments or make comments. Vine – I created exactly one (1) vine. Instagram, I was on there for a couple weeks. Pinterest – I installed but then uninstalled like ten minutes later. Periscope – I’ll install it if there is a major ongoing news event going on somewhere and I want to see firsthand footage. Blogger and Twitter. Those are the main ones I keep coming back to. Where the hell do people write stuff online anymore?

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Join us in congratulating . . .

People just disappear from work. Sometimes a prudent HR department will send out some kind of notification. They'll maybe tell you who to forward work requests to now that the needed person is no longer with the company. They might even congratulate the person for moving on to something bigger and better. A lot of times though, they just disappear. All that you hear is a bunch of rumors. The lady diagonal over the cubicle wall is gone. There was a box on her desk, I guess filled up with all her stuff. I've heard other people complain about her work. She seemed as sweet as she could be to me. I don't know anything about what mistakes she did or didn't make. I'm just starting out in this place, it's my seventh week. I hate to start hearing all the bad shit so soon.

I worked in one place where...a guy who sat at a nearby desk committed suicide. First he was missing. He was missing for two weeks, and then the HR lady came in and told us that he had taken his own life. Never know what people are going through.

Friday, December 9, 2016

Now Medicated

This is my first stab at blogging after going on my medication. Do I seem more sane?

The urge to write persists, even though I ain't crazy no more. So the writer instinct, the writer tendency, did not come from came from sane, one could say. This is a major question answered for me.

If life was all peachy, normal and calm, there would not be much to write about... beyond what I had for lunch...or whatever hobby I happened to have.

I have no hobby, no normal hobby. My hobby is dealing with these thoughts. My toy is my brain, and I want to take it out and use it like a hacky sack.

I had to start another one.

I couldn't keep away. I have to write. It's a compulsion. I just have to.

I've had some thoughts lately.

I have wanted to run up a word count.

I had nowhere to write...nowhere that had not gone stale.

I've been posting at a personality type forum for several months, It's very engaging, but it's a different kind of writing. I need a blog. A forgiving blog. A blog that doesn't mind if I neglect it sometimes. A blog that understands me. A blog that does not grow apart from me.