Sunday, February 26, 2017

List Two 02/26/2016

  • No friends currently. Except my girlfriend. 
  • It's tough to make friends and keep friends when you move around a lot. We moved out of Florida together and spent a couple of years in the Raleigh area, and that sucked, and so we moved over here to the Piedmont Triad area.
  • I wonder if I'm just not suited or equipped for human interactions. I just don't do very well with people - I never really have. Maybe I should just settle in for a mostly solitary second half of life. Stop trying to be something I'm not. I'm not some kind of social person. 
  • I was sitting in a meeting Friday and looking around the room and thinking, wow, there's not really anybody in here that I like very much. I've already started building these dumb stories and grudges around people. I've only worked here for four months. Then I started thinking about a place I worked for eight years. My attitudes toward various people there shifted over time. But in the end, when I think of how many people I could call 'friend' - there were not that many. A person who is adjusted to normal human interactions....a 'normal' person...I guess a normal person takes a lot more shit off of people than a guy like me. I write people off. I give up trying to get close and stay close to people.
  • I didn't stick with the UU Church. Maybe I'll go back, I don't know. Lately all I've been putting energy into is learning the new job and reading all of the latest craziest Trump madness.
  • I signed up for some Resist Trump meetup group. I wonder what it will be like. I guess I'm a pretty political person. Lately, that is all I read, is politics stuff.

List 02/26/2017

  • I ain't been readin and I ain't been writin. Well, I read news. Constantly. CONSTANTLY. It was getting so bad, my right hand began to ache very badly. It is an involuntary action - before I know it, the phone is in my hand and I'm reading news online. I don't even realize I'm doing's like biting the nails. Bad habit. Bad. I swear: If I read the same amount of words - out of books - as I do online, I swear...the equivalent would probably be three or four books a month or five or six. But that is a dumb comparison and who cares. All it is is a compulsion and it ain't makin me any smarter. I used to read books. Gees. I'm addicted to what's jumpin right now I guess. Gotta have the real time.
  • Management has yanked the noisy lady. Yaay! She talks so loudly and constantly and negatively and disgustingly/openly/personal-businessy. She puts it all out there. The only time she is not talking loudly, is when she's talking real dirt on somebody - then she quiets down. You can actually hear the progression. She will be complaining about somebody out loud, and as she gets more and more angry and accusatory and angry, she lowers her voice to a nasty little whisper. So much negativity. She poisons the atmosphere with negativity and know she's going really dirty when you hear all the pss pss pss pss stuff. Anyway, they put her in the corner, far far away on the other end of the suite. This noise of hers - this has been my all day every day...I didn't realize how destructive to my attitude it was, but I'm walkin around all day pissed...I can't fully blame her but I partly blame her. I blare music in my earbuds all day every day. Anyway, banished she is. Sit in the corner naughty rascal. She had been told about her noise many times but it just agitated her to make more noise I think.

  • I would like to hurry up and become more useful at work. I feel like the training wheels are still on. I have produced some useful stuff. Or, my efforts helped out. I didn't produce a thing, I copied a thing from one environment to another. Which was useful. The old environment sucked. The new environment was easier. I brought some experience talkies to the job - I've told the boss what we did at the last place and helped to figure out some new tools that we want to use. I guess I'm helping out....but I still don't have a handle on the nature of all the data.